One of the biggest things God has taught me in the beginning of the Race was the truth about vulnerability. I used to hate being vulnerable- crying or talking about my feelings. I believed the lie that it meant that I was weak, which was a fear of mine. I didn't ever want anyone to think that I wasn't strong enough to handle or overcome whatever came in my path. I was having to open up to my squad & I found myself being vulnerable. I saw myself as weak and I feared other people did too. I’ve always felt like I had to be the strong one for the people around me. I would fight so hard to try not to cry, like to the point where my throat would hurt. I refused to show this side of me. Then God began revealing truth to me. He gave me the verse James 4:10:

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you."

That is when I realized that it is when we are feeling "weak" that we are at our best for God to show us how much we need Him. He is our strength and He makes us who we are. My dad once told me that it's not our strength but the strength of the Creator of the universe. (Wow!) I am no longer depending on myself but I'm humbling myself before God so that He can show me new sides of Himself. Through being vulnerable I am becoming closer to God. 

During this same week, God revealed His truth again! My squad leader’s girlfriend did listening prayer for our entire squad. Listening prayer is when you ask the Lord to speak to you & you wait patiently in silence and listen for His response. She wrote our names on one side of a note card, flipped them over and shuffled them. As she did listening prayer for each note card she didn't know who God was speaking to her about. And oh boy, does God know me soooo well! She was so sweet to encourage us with these notes. She is so in tune with the Holy Spirit, it's inspiring. I'm so thankful for her obedience! This is what God wrote to me:

Fall. 

Your biggest strength won't be to stand & fight but fall into your weakness, your tears & into His arms. There, in the safest place in the world, is where you will grow & realize just how loved you are and how chosen you are to do BIG things in this world. No striving, just abiding, releasing & letting Jesus take your head in His hands, look into your eyes & tell you how proud He is of you. My goodness, He loves you! 

Wow! I was so touched by the Holy Spirit through this sweet note. It was so accurate to how I was feeling at that moment and exactly what I needed to hear. 

Here’s the truth about vulnerability: It shows humility, beauty & strength and it allows the Lord to show you just how loved you are. He wants to reveal who He is to you! By showing others that side of you it allows God to speak. Through our vulnerability, we are able to give others an opportunity to bless us with God speaking through them and we are able to bless them with our honesty. It’s a win-win. He will use people, His word & different things to help us and give us all we need.

I am not weak. I am strong. I am loved. I am humbling myself so that God can lift me up. It’s okay to not be okay and it’s okay to cry. No more fighting. I am growing in my vulnerability by learning to be raw, honest & vulnerable. I no longer see my tears or honesty as weakness. I let loose when I need a good cry and share my worries, fears & feelings with the people around me and I’m happy to say I am unashamed. I embrace what God wants to reveal to me, whether that’s something about Himself, myself or another person I hadn’t noticed before. It’s not easy but it’s beautiful to see how God uses our tears & vulnerability to bless us and those around us. 

Vulnerability is not weakness. It’s beauty. It’s strength. It’s power.

Embrace your vulnerable side and see God at work.

Thanks for reading! Stay Tuned <3